Three, Three, Seven, One
by notagiraffe
Summary: Three girls, three kisses, seven days, and one Kankuro. As Ino so eloquently put it, "Three strikes, you're out!"
1. Warmup Pitches

Completely new idea with some completely revamped situations.

The mistakes of the old one bothered me to no end.

Flame me, if you must, flamingo.

* * *

"Hey, you know how Shikamaru and Temari are sort of, ya' know… Together?"

Ino jumped when she heard the voice. She'd been busy arranging a bouquet in the flower shop, deeply engrossed in adding a sprig of baby's breath among an intricate combination of lilies and daisies, not even hearing the dinging bell as the shop door had swung open. Grumbling at the interruption, Ino threw the flowers down onto the table and turned around.

Only to crash into a tall teenager, clad in black from head to toe. "Would you mind backing off a bit?" she grunted at him, thoroughly appalled that the stranger dared to get so close.

The man rolled his eyes, the layer of purple face paint slightly creasing at corners of his lips. Ino couldn't help but find him slightly familiar, though the sand-nin's name completely escaped her memory.

Annoyance spread across the man's face as he recognized the look the blonde girl was giving him. It was that whole "I-don't-remember-his-name-but-isn't-he-the-teammate-of-that-psychopath" type of look he'd gotten accustomed to receiving throughout his life. With an out-of-control brother and a hot as hell sister (the village boys' words, not his), he was often the forgotten member of his team.

"Kankuro," he finally said, ending the girl's mental struggle for a name. "And you're Yamanaka Ino, right?"

Ino nodded slightly, turning her attention back to the flower arrangement from before. "Yeah. So?"

"Well, that Shikamaru punk is your teammate, right? I was just wondering if you could tell me how he treats his, uh, 'significant others'," Kankuro spat out. His eyes quickly darted around the shop, as if afraid anyone would catch him in the act of being a concerned for his sister.

Ino's face colored at his request. "What makes you think _I'd_ know?" she snorted.

"I just assumed-"

"What? That I like to date _all_ of my teammates? Like I'm some sort of slut who hooks up with every guy I'm familiar with?" she retorted angrily. Ino jabbed her long, pointed finger into Kankuro's chest, accusingly. "You know, just because I'm gorgeous, it doesn't mean I'm a whore!"

"Who ever said you were gorgeous?"

This was, quite obviously, _not_ the right thing to say. Instantly, a perfectly manicured fist came hurling towards the sand-nin's face at an alarmingly fast speed. His reflexes kicked in at the last second and he dodged, barely avoiding the impact. Kankuro had even heard the low, swooshing sound of air as the fist swung past his right ear.

"No reason to be such a bitch about it!" Kankuro shouted. Leaf-nin's could be so annoying sometimes. "I mean, if it's not true and you didn't date Shikamaru, what's the big deal?"

Ino's face suddenly turned a vibrant shade of red. Glowering, she stared at her flower arrangement and smashed another sprig of baby's breath into it. Kankuro noticed her obvious discomfort and smirked.

"Yamanaka?" he called. The girl ignored him, violently jabbing a slightly crushed rose into the mass of flowers. "Is this your way of saying 'Yes, Kankuro! You _are_ right! I _did_ totally go out with Shikamaru, even though I was acting stuck up and offended by your completely correct assumptions!'" He snickered to himself as he mocked her with a high, girlish tone of voice. "I guess that means you can answer my question, then!" Kankuro grinned. "How did that Nara boy treat you?"

"Fine," Ino grumbled.

"You _sure_ it was only fine?"

"Yes!"

"Did you guys fu-"

This time, reflexes weren't enough for the sand-nin. The now abused flower arrangement was thrashed across his stunned face, the thorns of the rose leaving long, skinny scratches across his face.

"What is your problem!" he exclaimed, wiping off a small spurt of red oozing from his cheek. His purple face-paint smeared, turning dark magenta as it mixed with the droplets of blood.

"One: You do _not_ ask a girl that question! Ever! Two: We were _fourteen_!" Ino was screeching at him now. The six other occupants of the flower shop stared at the enraged girl, scrambling quickly to exit before an all-out brawl occurred. "Besides, did you ever sleep with _your_ teammate?"

"Ugh! She's my sister!" Kankuro shouted, thoroughly disgusted.

"She's your sister?" Ino repeated skeptically. She let out a rather unlady-like guffaw when the man nodded. Kankuro stared at her, angered.

"What's so funny?"

"She's Temari!" Ino choked out, her laughter growing even louder.

"So, what!" he thundered.

"She's, like, every man's dream! And you!" Ino sputtered. "You wear a cat suit!"

"You obviously know nothing about culture," Kankuro muttered. Finally, Ino caught her breath after a minute or two of laughter.

"So, that's why you came here," Ino said, wiping a few stray tears of laughter from her eyes. "Playing the 'Protective Brother' card, huh? Well, you really shouldn't get involved with their relationship, you know. For one thing, your younger. I'm sure she could beat you up if she wanted too. And I can guarantee you that Temari wouldn't appreciate this visit." Kankuro rolled his eyes, feigning indifference. "You shouldn't worry, though," Ino continued. "Shikamaru was too lazy to get very physical."

"So, he never tried any funny stuff with you? No sex, making out, and stuff?" Kankuro asked, relieved by what he heard so far. Yay! He didn't have to kill Temari's boyfriend after all!

Ino raised one of her thin eyebrows. "I didn't say _that_. Of course we kissed and made-out! What do you expect?" A look of thoughtfulness spread over Ino's face as she remembered their brief relationship. "He was a really good kisser, actually."

"That guy?" Kankuro snorted. "A good kisser? I really doubt that."

"Like you'd do any better," Ino mumbled. She rolled her eyes as Kankuro scowled at her.

"Much better," he responded pompously.

"Whatever you say."

"I am!"

"Prove it." Ino smirked as she noticed Kankuro's face pale at the request.

"How do you suppose I do that?" Kankuro asked, trying to regain his composition with a grin, eye-roll, and a raise of the eyebrow. Unfortunately for the Sand-nin, the act of doing all of these three things at once did nothing but make himself appear even more foolish. Ino almost exploded with laughter at his attempt.

"Let's see…" Blue eyes darted around the empty flower shop, searching for the perfect victim. She cursed under her breath as she realized all the customers had left. She sighed, realizing that she might have to think up a more long-term idea. "Hinata and Sakura are two other girls who are part the original, nine rookies, though we _could_ include Tenten just for the whole 'Three stikes, you're out!' sort of effect." Kankuro snorted at Ino's use of the phrase. "One week, okay? Three chances, three girls. At least one of them has to describe your skills as being as incredibly good as you think you are."

"That's easy!" Kankuro answered. "So, we wagering anything, then?"

Ino thought for a moment. "Three-hundred yen sound good to you?"

"I'd say that's good enough," he answered with a nod. He couldn't help thinking that proving the blond bitch wrong would be a lot more rewarding than the money. He stuck his hand out towards her, ready to shake on the agreement. Ino surveyed the small blood-stains on his palm with disgust before grasping his fingertips between her own and giving a small, quick shake.

"Which one is Hinata, again?"

Ino sighed at his question. Quickly, she shuffled through a drawer in the counter and pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper. Furiously, she scribbled something down before thrusting it into Kankuro's face. "This is Hinata's address, below it is Sakura's. Just ask for them. One has white eyes and the other, pink hair. Luckily, even an idiot like you couldn't mistake them for anyone else."

"What about the Tenten girl?" Kankuro asked as he squinted at the writing, slightly suspicious.

"Do I look like a _phone book_ to you?" Ino replied in an annoyed screech. "Figure it yourself!"

"Fine, whatever," he replied as he shuffled towards the front door. "I'll come get my money next time I visit you, Yamanaka!"

"Don't make anyone throw up while you're at it!"

Ino grinned as the door swung shut. Easiest. Bet. **Ever**.

* * *

So there we go! Hopefully I'll actually get to finish this one...

Coming up next! Just a small chapter focusing on the Sand Sibs!

And yes, I _do_ know where I'm going with this for once.


	2. First Inning

Before reading this chapter, I just want to ensure that everyone knows that this story is mine and mine only. About half a year ago, I did have almost the same story posted on here, only as a one shot with a different ending. However, I wanted to explore the details more thoroughly, make corrections, and apply some different ideas to the story. To the anonymous reviewer from last chapter, I appreciate your concern over whether or not my story had been copied and I feel proud to know that if my story ever was to be stolen, I''d have the support of others.

Well, without further ado (you guys waited long enough already, I suppose) here's theincredibly short, a little different, and hopefully enjoyable second chapter!

* * *

"Back!" Kankuro shouted as he slammed the door to the small hotel room. The walls seem to rattle slightly, obviously not created to withstand shinobi strength. Temari grimaced at the banging door from where she sat on the overstuffed, tan sofa. An annoyed scowl was slapped across her face, obviously finding of her brother's loud actions completely disruptive towards her precious TV time. 

"How many times do I have to tell you to not do that?" she growled as she quickly changed the channel. The last time Kankuro had caught her watching Lifetime, he didn't stop teasing her about it for a whole week. "Where the hell were you? Gaara was supposed to come back from that diplomacy thing an hour ago. You've got to be the worst body-guard ever!"

Kankuro snorted at his sister's annoyed features. "Why the hell would Gaara need a body-guard? He's got a freaking barrier protecting him twenty-four seven!"

Temari rolled her eyes at him as she punched her pink-painted fingertips into a couple more buttons on the remote before settling on a channel. Her brother could be such an unbelievable pain to deal with.

Wait, wait, wait. _Pink_ fingernails? Kankuro snickered to himself as he glanced at the glittering nail-polish. "Besides, it's not like you were acting as the perfect body-guard, either. In fact, where were you at today, dear sister? And why did you get yourself so dressed up?"

Temari glanced down at her fingernails and slightly blushed. Frantically, she lifted one of them upwards and snatched a dainty, silver chain around her neck, quickly stuffing it beneath her shirt. She scowled at the teen's knowing smirk. "None of your business. Just saw some… friends. And you?"

Kankuro's interest ceased at the opportunity to talk about something that he found more entertaining. That subject, of course, being himself. "Today's been pretty good. Just got a little more richer. Or I will be, at least. Anyway, do you know some Tenten kid?"

Temari scrunched up her brow in thought. "Hmmm… Sounds familiar." She furiously racked her brain, trying to connect the name to a face. "Oh! That was that little genin I completely dominated during the Chuunin Exam!" Temari grinned to herself as she recalled the memory. "Ah, good times. Good times."

"You know her? Good!" Kankuro shouted with enthusiasm. "This'll be much easier than I expected it to be. What's her address?"

Temari snorted. "I said I beat the crap out of her, not that we had sleepovers together." The blond once again shifted her attention back to the television. "Get someone else to help you."

Kankuro studied her carefully, as if trying to discern whether she was lying or not. Her left eye had not been twitching as it usually did when she fibbed, but at the same time, she didn't make any eye contact. She only stared blankly at the television, completely ignoring Kankuro.

"Temari?" Kankuro called. "Are you watching Lifetime again?"

Temari changed the channel in a flash. "No."

"_Suuuure_," Kankuro taunted, a devious grin on his face.

"Go to bed, Kankuro!"

"What? It's only eight o'clock!"

"GO!" Temari shouted, her face turning slightly red. The siblings glared at each other in a moment of intense silence, tension high in the air as each tried to dominate the other through nothing but fierce eye contact. The sound of a door swinging open halted the staring contest as the youngest of the Sand-siblings entered.

Gaara studied his brother and sister's red faces and clenched fists before narrowing his dark-rimmed eyes. "Go to bed, Kankuro."

The older teen let out a frustrated mix between a growl and a scream before stalking towards the bedroom doors. Before leaving, however, he turned and gave the wall a fierce kick, leaving a small dent in the plaster. Yep. _Definitely_ not the best hotel for a shinobi.

"He's like a five-year-old," Temari sighed as the door finally slammed shut. "Thanks, Gaara. He was really getting on my nerves."

The red-head was silent, but Temari was used to his habit of not responding to her. She gently patted one of the soft couch cushions but Gaara only stood and stared at her.

"Wanna watch some Lifetime?" she asked.

Gaara rolled his eyes before taking a seat. Like she needed to_ ask_.


	3. Second Inning

Oh, thank _God_ for winter break!

So, um, yeah. This is chapter three of this shindig. And I _guarantee_ the next chapter will be longer, since I already wrote it! I promise!

Also, I need a name for the old, Hyuuga man in this chapter. Any suggestions?

Happy Holidays, everyone! Hope you get errthang you want!

* * *

Kankuro checked the address on the paper once again. Sighing, he realized that the numbers on the paper did, in fact, match with the one posted on the gate. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but it definitely wasn't the maze of over-sized houses that sat inside the wall of the Hyuuga Compound. There seemed to be millions of them, all identical in their white paint and plain structures. The only difference Kankuro could see were in the gardens that surrounded them, all perfectly aligned to allow the maximum amount of tranquility. At least the families seemed to have taken few liberties in making this area a little more unique, varying the types of shrubs and a few of them even containing small, greenish ponds.

"Of course she couldn't tell me the exact, damn house," Kankuro mumbled. He supposed that the only way to find that Hinata girl was to look around a bit more, find some people, and rough 'em up till they give up the info. That's the way he dealt with all his other problems, at least.

"Hey!" a voice cried as soon as the sand-nin took only his third step inside the area. "What do you think you're doing!" It was an old man; a very old man. Kankuro couldn't help staring at how the wrinkles around his pearly, white eyes seemed as defined as the sharp outline of the hokage that were carved in the mountain over-looking Konoha.

"Coming in," Kankuro responded, deciding to continue walking. It's not like the old man could do anything to stop him. His arms were absolutely puny and his pale eyes obviously signified blindness.

"Oh, no you don't, boy! No trespassing!" Suddenly energetic, the man dashed over to Kankuro, letting loose an intense combination of gentle-fist and regular punches in his direction. Kankuro yelped in surprise as the man connected with his nose and snatched the crumpled notebook paper that was held within his hand.

"Why do you have this address?" the Hyuuga asked as his eyes quickly read over the paper.

"How are you able to re-?" Kankuro stopped his question in mid-sentence. Oh, yeah. Hyuuga crazy, x-ray vision freaks. Not poor, old, blind men.

Kankuro briefly considered the man's question. It would be simple to tell the truth, seriously beat up the old guy, and carry on with his business, but something told him that the female in question wouldn't enjoy seeing her grandfather, great-uncle, or other elderly relative slashed to pieces. Besides, lies can be_ ever so_ convenient.

"I'm here to deliver a message to a Ms. Hyuuga Hinata. It's_ important_. And I need to tell her first hand, or, uh, I'll be fired! Hokage's orders, you know the deal." Kankuro had a grin on his face that could rival the Cheshire Cat's. He was a fantastic liar, perhaps the best in all of Suna. Or even the world!

"You are a disgustingly pathetic liar," the man sighed with a shake of his head. "You still have your sand hitai-ate on, too, by the way. I expect that you have papers?"

Kankuro grumbled as he thrust his hand into one of his deep pockets. After first pulling out four shuriken, a stick of gum, and, oddly enough, one of Temari's hair ties, he finally located the crumpled up documents in question. Grudgingly, he shoved them into the Hyuuga's hands, crinkling them even more. The old man rose an eyebrow at the sorry state of the papers but said nothing as he read through them.

"Look, old man. I just need to talk to that Hinata girl," Kankuro said uneasily. "It's kind of a personal thing, ya' know?"

The Hyuuga gazed at the boy for a moment with his cold, pale eyes. Finally, he sighed. "Your papers work out," he began, "And you don't seem to give off any sort of threat level. Are you sure you're even a ninja, boy?"

"Maybe I'm just a such a good one that you can't tell how dangerous I am!" the sand-nin growled.

"Yeah, you're definitely not a threat… However, it's still necessary for me to escort you. Just follow me, please!" With another spurt of surprising quickness, the old man shot off, weaving through the millions of houses that littered the complex. Kankuro shot after him, cursing at the speed with ragged breath. He was a puppeteer, damn it! Not a marathon runner!

The Hyuuga stopped in front of one of the much larger buildings and motioned for Kankuro to keep silent. Three sharp knocks on the door later and the door was quickly slid open, revealing a petite young girl with dark purple hair.

"Um, hello?" She questioned quietly, pale eyes secretly studying the teenage boy. Inwardly, she wondered why, exactly, the boy was wearing what looked like a black cat suit and what he was doing outside her home.

"Miss Hinata, Kankuro of the sand is requesting your presence," the old man stated with a small grin on his face. "Says it's _personal _business."

Hinata's face grew to a violent shade of red. "W-w-what can I do for you?"

"Well," Kankuro started, smoothly placing a hand against the doorframe and letting out a suave (at least in _his_ opinion) grin. He obviously didn't recognize the uneasiness and embarrassment he was causing her. "I know you don't know me too well, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out to eat with me sometime? I _guarantee_ I'll make it worth your while."

There was no answer. Silent, both Hyuugas gave the boy a shocked stare.

"I-" she stuttered, her hands flinging to her smoldering hot cheeks. "I- d-don-" The sentence was cut short by a small yelp. The young Hyuuga fainted, her head cracking into the wall as she fell backwards lost consciousness.

"Boy, you better _hope_ she's not dead!"


	4. Third Inning

NO MORE MIDTERMS!

How about we celebrate?

* * *

Ino smiled brightly as she strode through the village. So far, she'd been asked out three times since leaving her house (none of which were suitable for her interests), found a good amount of dropped money on the street (it probably belonged to that old lady ahead her with the twelve shopping bags, but **who cares**! Free money!), and found out that one of her favorite shops was having a sale on a certain necklace she'd been admiring for the past week. Sure, it was only 5 off one of the most expensive items in stock, but a sale was a sale, and where there was a sale, there was Ino.

"Good afternoon, miss!" the saleswoman chirped merrily as the young teenager pushed the front door open. Her eyes glinted in excitement as she caught sight of the girl's long, platinum ponytail. The Yamanaka girl was very flexible with the charge card and one of the biggest spenders in all of Konoha. "Ah! Perhaps I can show you the new merchandise! Just came in this morning, imported all the way from Suna!"

"No, not today, thanks. I'm actually here about the sale. You know, on _the necklace_."

The saleslady's eyebrows rose upward in excitement, an exuberant grin spread across her face. The cost of the necklace alone rivaled her weekly salary tenfold. If she actually managed to sell the ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry, her boss would be _astounded_. Can you say "pay raise?"

"Oh, of course, miss! I knew you were a women of good taste the moment I saw you enter! I'll just go get it and ring it right up!" The woman quickly unlocked the glass case, closing the velvet box around the gold and diamond necklace before carefully pulling it out and setting it on the table. "Five percent off today, I believe?"

Ino nodded her head, excitedly. She sifted through her wallet, placing the money into the eager woman's hands. "That should be enough, right?"

"Actually," the saleslady muttered, her heart breaking as she counted, "You're about 275 yen short."

"What!" Ino exclaimed. "I can't be! Ugh!"

"Believe me, miss, I wish I was wrong, too," the woman groaned. "Perhaps you can charge it…?"

Ino's face turned red. She'd expected the money she found that day to be enough to cover the rest of the necklace and thought she had no need for bringing the charge card. She'd have to go all the way home, beg her dad to let her borrow it, and then walk all the way back.

"I'll be back later," she said. "Do _not_ sell that necklace, okay?"

"Gotcha," the saleslady said with relief. She'd get the sale eventually, at least. "See you soon, miss!"

The Yamanaka trudged through the streets, anticipating the challenge it would be get her father to lend her the credit card again. After all, the last time Ino had it, she'd bought nearly twenty pairs of shoes and a rather pricey dress. What did her father expect, though? She needed it for a_ date_! She sighed, knowing that her dad would make her work extra hours in return for the card, even _with_ massive amounts of begging.

Lost in thought and not paying attention to where she was going, the Yamanaka tripped and fell flat on her face.

"Are you okay?" a deep voice asked. Ino looked up. Two old men were sitting at a card table, previously engrossed in a game of shougi.

"Yeah," Ino muttered as she brushed the dirt from her shirt.

"Good, good. Wouldn't want another injury, especially after the commotion at the Hyuuga Compound this morning."

"What commotion?" the other old man asked.

"Oh, you know," old man number 1 said with a wave of his hand. "The heiress girl smacked her head against the wall or something like that. I think it had to do with some sand-nin almost accidentally killing her."

Old man number 2 shook his head disapprovingly. "Foreigners these days…"

Sand-nin… At the Hyuuga Compound? Ino grinned to herself. It looked like Kankuro was having a bit of trouble with the bet. Oh, was she going to _win_!

Wait… Ino's eyes widened for a moment with realization. If she won, then the 300 yen would be hers and she'd have no need to pathetically beg her father for money! Sure it might take longer, but at least the blonde's pride would be saved and she wouldn't have to waste her time in the flower shop any more than usual. In the meantime, she could spend her time _making sure_ he wouldn't win. Just for a little insurance, of course.

"Miss, are you sure you're okay?" The old man asked as he studied the girl's devious expression.

"Oh, believe me. I'm great," she answered with a grin.

Now all she needed was some back up…

"No, Ino."

"Oh, _c'mon_ Chouji! It'll be fun!"

"That's what you always say! And believe me, it usually isn't."

"But this time it will be! Seriously!" Akimichi Chouji would hear no more of it. Shaking his head firmly, the boy began to close the door in Ino's face while muttering a quick goodbye.

"Chouji! What kind of a friend are you?" Ino shrieked while jamming her left shoulder in the gap between the door and its frame. "Ow, ow, ow! Let me in already!" Chouji noticed her wince as the wood pressed into her shoulder and sighed. Reluctantly, he let go of the door handle. Ino dashed in, grumpily rubbing her shoulder and slightly glaring at Chouji.

"Alright, Ino," he said while flopping onto the living room coach. "You've got three minutes to explain to me why I should help you do something as pointless as ruining that Sand-nin's dating reputation."

"Well, we've kind of got a bet," the blond started with a smile. Chouji frowned at her in response. He didn't exactly approve of gambling, especially after all those times he'd to lost to Ino in strip poker during some of their earlier missions. "Oh, don't give me that look, Chouji! It was a money bet, not anything personal. Anyway, the thing is that I need this money for stuff. _Important_ stuff. Stuff that I need."

"Am I allowed to ask what exact 'stuff' do you need to buy?" Chouji asked with a raised eyebrow. Ino mentally scanned her mind. Despite Chouji's helpful nature, he wouldn't help if it was only for a necklace, even if she _did_ really, really (and I mean REALLY) want it.

"Of course you can ask!" she exclaimed with a nervous laugh. She had to think quicker. "I need it for… a puppy."

"Ino, you're allergic to dogs."

"I mean, I need it _for_ a puppy. You know, to help it!" Desperately the blond clasped her hands together and attempted to make herself look as innocent as possible. "Oh, it's terrible, Chouji! His front leg is twisted up till it meets his blind eye and it only has _one_ ear!" Feigning tears, Ino jumped onto the coach, clinging to Chouji's arm. "If I don't help it, I think it'll die!"

"Ino, are you lying?" Chouji asked uncertainly. He didn't want the girl to be even more upset than she already was, but usually Ino could care less about animals that weren't of the incredibly clean, cute, and fluffy variety. In his opinion, a one-eared, twisty-legged puppy did not meet the requirements.

"Chouji! I don't lie!" Ino exclaimed. The tears were quickly replaced with glaring eyes and an angry, red face.

"Ino, you do lie," Chouji honestly insisted, prying the girl's fingers off of his large arm. "You kind of lie a lot, actually."

"Name one time!"

"Back when we were ten, I had the hiccups and I asked you how to get rid of them. You told me 'I don't know. But I _do_ know that they damage your rectum.' I asked my mom and she said you were lying," Chouji recited. Ino instantly burst out laughing but stopped as she noticed the serious stare Chouji was giving her.

"Oh, c'mon, Chouji! I was ten! I didn't even know what a rectum was!"

"That's not the point, Ino. The point is that you were lying then and, most likely, you're lying now," Chouji said with a sigh.

"Fine! Maybe I don't need it for a puppy!" Ino admitted. "I need the money from the bet because my dad will make me work, like, a _million_ hours at the flower shop if I ask him for the credit card again." There! It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't exactly lying either! "Now, will you please help me?" Ino begged with wide eyes.

"Okay, Ino," Chouji agreed, already regretting his answer. She just had to go and do the eye thing, didn't she? Ino knew he couldn't resist that! "I'll help. But only till seven o'clock. I've sorta got something to do."

"What? You and Shikamaru eating out again, tonight?" Ino asked. "Hey! Why wasn't I invited!"

"Not that," Chouji responded. "It's kind of a…" Here, Chouji coughed, muffling the last word of the sentence. Ino's eyes widened. He'd either just said 'date' or 'kite'. Ino decided it was the former of the two, considering 'It's kind of a _kite_' would make little to no sense.

"Wait… A what?" Ino asked, astounded. "With who? Do I know her? Is she hotter than me?"

"Not telling, sort of, and no comment," Chouji answered with a small grin.

"So I know her," Ino muttered as she thought to herself. "Oh, God! It's not Sakura, is it?"

"No!" Chouji thundered. He groaned remembering his blonde friend's previous attempts to fix him up with the pink-haired girl. It had been an absolute _disaster_.

Ino thought for a moment, biting the inside of her lip in concentration. Who could Chouji be dating… "Shikamaru?"

"Ino, that's not funny. And to be honest, I don't even know if you do know her," Chouji responded. He thought to himself for a second. "Have you eaten at Ichiraku before? She's the waitress there, Ayame."

"Oh, I see," Ino said while smiling. Who would've thought! Chouji and the ramen girl! "My Chouji's all grown up!"

The boy blushed as red as the swirls on his cheeks. Hastily he stood up and cleared his throat. "Let's stop talking about this and go fix your problem instead, okay?"

"Okay! It's time to go ruin that sand-jerks dating career for good!" Ino exclaimed while zooming out the front door and tugging the larger boy out after her. "He's somewhere with Hyuuga Hinata. At least, according to those old guys I overheard earlier, he is. So, Hyuuga compound, here we come!"

Chouji sighed as he was dragged through the streets of Konoha by the exuberant teenage girl. He had a feeling that Ino was going to get him into a _truckload_ trouble.

As usual, of course.


	5. Strike One!

Hey, guess what? You know what? You wanna know what?

I'm not dead, that's what! That's right! I have risen! The monstrous delay can be blamed on writer's block. Or Cavs games. Take your pick.

This was my funnest chapter to write, by the way. Enjoy!

* * *

"Um." 

"Yeah, so," Kankuro said as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Which was exactly how the date had been thus far: awkward. _Extremely_ awkward. We're talking _Aburame Shino_ worthy awkward. They were seated at an uncomfortably small table outside a local café in Konoha, The Yellow Dingo. Kankuro distractedly tapped his fingertips against the glass tabletop and Hinata stared down silently at her lap. She had been astounded when the foreign ninja had asked her out to lunch, which was quite obvious with her fainting and all. Who could blame her? She'd only seen the boy one time before in her life and hadn't even talked to him at the time. However, Kankuro was lucky that it took little persuasion to get her to agree on the outing, more out of politeness than for romantic interest.

"So, you're a Hyuuga, huh?" Kankuro questioned with a weak grin. "How's, uh, that going for you?"

"Oh, c'mon, boy. Is that the best you can do?" Kankuro growled inwardly as the aged voice of the old Hyuuga called to him from the table next to them. The man had insisted on following them, proclaiming it was his duty to make sure Kankuro wouldn't end up being some psycho who was hell-bent on kidnapping, raping, and/or attacking the Hyuuga heiress.

"Satoshi-san, p-please be nice," Hinata mumbled, still refusing to make eye-contact. "The qu-question's okay, Kankuro-san. Being a Hyuuga is, um, great."

"Oh, cool. That's pretty interesting. I'd love to know more." It was a lie for idle conversations sake, but she didn't need to know that.

"_Sure_, it is, boy," Satoshi grumbled. "You know, being a Hyuuga is pretty interesting, actually. For one thing, we have a knack for knowing when people are _lying_."

"Shut up, old man!" Kankuro yelled from his table. "You're throwing off my swerve!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Satoshi quietly whispered to himself. With a reluctant sigh, the old man picked up his menu and pretended to give the 'couple' their space.

"So, Hinata, have you ever visited Suna before?" Kankuro asked slyly. Hinata squeaked out a no and the Sand-nin's grin grew wider. "Ah, so you'll just have explore some _foreign land_ with me some time," he commented, his eyebrows raised upwards at the implication.

From his table, Satoshi snorted to himself.

"For god's sake, be quiet and let me do my thing, old man!"

* * *

"Just look at 'em, Chouji!" Ino muttered quietly to her companion. "That sand-nin must be seducing Hinata so much that she's too over-whelmed to even look at him. And now he's yelling at the old man over there! He must be showing off, accusing him of staring at Hinata, or something. Argh! And now he's grinning!" 

"Ino?"

"Doesn't it make you crazy, Chouji? Seeing men play up poor helpless girls like Hinata, just for the sake tricking her into a kiss! And for what? A measly 300 yen!"

"Ino!" Chouji shouted in an attempt to break through the blonde's one-sided conversation. "Can we _please_ stop hiding behind this potted plant? People are starting to stare."

Ino glanced behind her. Chouji was right, the diners on the other side of the plant were intensely studying the two ninjas, whispering amongst one-another with distressed looks on their faces. Annoyed, Ino stuck her perfectly pink tongue out at one of the pairs and the couple hastily refocused their attention to their meal. "Anyway, here's the plan, Chouji. We knock out one of these employees, borrow their hideous, little uniform, and then you impersonate the server for the sand-nin's table. That way we can sabotage this thing to make sure Kankuro won't be able to persuade Hinata to even _consider_ having the sand-nin's slimy lips on her own! Genius, eh?"

"Wait..." Chouji began. He thought to himself for a moment before finally continuing. "Why do I have to impersonate the waiter! Why can't you do it?"

"But Chouji!" Ino whined. "Then Kankuro would recognize me and the whole plan will just be _ruined_!"

"Couldn't you just use your shinte-"

"C'mon, Chouji! No time to spare!"

Chouji sighed as the blond rushed forward, ready to attack. This was why _Shikamaru_ was the strategist of their team

* * *

"Good afternoon. My name's... Ryuu and I'll be your server for tonight." 

Kankuro narrowed his eyes at the plump man who spoke in monotone before him. He looked absolutely ridiculous, the shirt of his uniform just a few sizes too small and a rather hideous shade of yellowish green. Kankuro studied the two spirals on the waiter's cheeks and rose an eyebrow. He had a sneaking suspicion that he'd seen the man before. "Do I know you?"

"Oh, uh!" Chouji exclaimed as he pulled the front of uniform down. Ino just _had_ to knock out a skinny employee, didn't she? "No, no of course not. Never seen you before! We're complete strangers."

"A-actually," Hinata whispered from her seat. "You look very similar to someone I know, also."

Chouji paled. Oh, great. Hinata and him had gone to school together and everything. This plan was going to be a disaster! "Maybe you know my cousin, we're very similar in looks."

"You have a cousin?" Kankuro asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Two, actually."

"What's your last name? Maybe I know them."

"The special for today is, um, grilled chicken and fries!" Chouji exclaimed abruptly in an attempt to distract them.

"The menu says that the special of the day is clam chowder," Kankuro remarked as he pointed at said menu.

"Two clam chowders, coming right up!"

"But we didn't order any-!" Kankuro was cut short as the large waiter quickly squeezed through the maze of tables, losing sight of him behind a rather gigantic potted plant.

"I-I'm allergic shellfish," Hinata muttered, mostly to herself.

* * *

"Ino, I'm pretty sure they recognize me. Can't we just forget about this whole plan, please?" Chouji sighed. 

"Oh, Chouji, stop being so dramatic!" The queen of drama herself exclaimed with a sweeping hand-motion. "Now's the time to really get devious! I've got a canister of some, like, _incredibly_ hot pepper in my purse. Just drop a good three handfuls over Kankuro's dish and there you go! Instant date wreckage!"

"Ino, I really don't wanna do this. Can we just get out of here? I mean, I've got to meet Ayame pretty soon, anyway."

Ino thought for a moment. What would be the easiest way to persuade Chouji to do her bidding? "Well, Chouji," Ino began with a smirk. "You're pretending to be a waiter here, right? Don't you think this is the perfect time to taste-test some of the delicacies on the menu?"

Chouji contemplated it for a moment. Risk being throttled by Kankuro... Twenty-dollar entrees. Tromp around in a tiny uniform or... Succulent steak? "Fine, Ino. But you owe me, you know that right?"

"Good! Now get going. We don't want them to get to cozy over there..."

* * *

"And then I jumped down, slapped a couple chakra strings down his spine and made that sleazy bastard slice his own throat!" Kankuro laughed, too absorbed in his gory self-accomplishments to notice the grimace on Hinata's pale face. 

"You better shut up with these stories before she ends up fainting again."

"Do you _enjoy_ being annoying?" Kankuro growled at Satoshi. The old man stared at him for a moment with impassive, white eyes before smirking slightly.

"You're just easy to make fun of. Not to mention I pity poor Miss Hinata for being stuck in your company."

"Oh n-no, Satoshi-san. K-Kankuro has been enjoyable so f-far," Hinata whimpered, looking ready to die of embarrassment. All of the shouts between the older Hyuuga and the Sand-nin were attracting stares from the rest of the café's customers. Many of the employees were already giving them dirty looks.

"Really? I've been enjoyable?" Kankuro commented with a lazy smile. He leaned forward and made his 'sexy' face, which basically consisted of narrowing his eyes, quirking his lips upwards, and giving the current object of his affection a subtle smile. "In that case, maybe you could give me the pleasure of ki-"

"Here you go," Chouji interrupted while thrusting a bowl of soup between the two's faces. Hinata gave the 'waiter' a gracious smile before pulling the bowl towards herself. "Chef specialty, enjoy. Especially _you_, sir."

Kankuro's brow furrowed at the man's words, then shrugged it off. The bowl of chowder was steaming and he'd barely eaten all day.

"Hold up a moment, boy," Satoshi commanded while striding over to the table. Both Kankuro and Chouji instantly froze, unsure of which 'boy' the man was referring to. "You 're not going to order anything else for Miss Hinata? As she said before, she's allergic, deathly allergic, in fact. Unless you were giving it to her in an effort to _poison_ the Hyuuga heiress, of course."

"Why the hell would I want to poison her? Stop being stupid! She can eat what she wants!"

"And end up breaking out in hives or worse?"

"It should be her own choice, like I said before! Let her eat the freaking soup if she wants to!"

"A-actually, um," Hinata interrupted. "I'm not really hungry."

"Whatever," Kankuro said as he pulled out his spoon and plunged it into the clam chowder. He was halted from lifting the spoon, however, when Satoshi abruptly held his hand out, palm facing outwards in a signal to stop. Suddenly, the man began sniffing the air, a confused look splattered across his face. "What, are you an Inuzuka, now, too?" the Sand-nin said sarcastically.

Ignoring him, Satoshi suddenly leaned forward, taking a large whiff of the soup. "Oh," he commented, a slightly mischievous look on his wheathered face. "Okay. Eat your dinner now."

"What did you do to it?" Kankuro asked. It was suspicious, an old man thrusting his nose into your chowder and then proclaiming you should eat it. "Why should I eat it after you molested it via nasal passage?"

"Be quiet and eat!" he instructed. "I mean, I sniffed it because I've had the soup at the restaurant before. It was very good. Just taste a bit of it." Chouji made eye contact with the older man and noticed the smirk on his face. Flustered at the man's understanding, Chouji quickly muttered an excuse and shimmied over to the sanctuary of the potted plant once again.

Kankuro slowly lifted his spoon, not once breaking eye contact with Satoshi. Quickly, he darted his tongue into the liquid, sampling the taste. It was nothing out of the ordinary... A little too salty, but nothing drastic.

"See, I told you I did nothing to your soup!" the old man grouched.

Kankuro sat for a moment before grinning. Swiftly, he piled another spoonful onto his utensil and shoveled it into his mouth.

"Ahh! What the HELL!" he exclaimed, throwing his spoon down forcefully against the table. Kankuro frantically fanned the flames that seemed to envelope his taste buds. Hinata's mouthed opened wide in shock, letting out a small squeek. "Hot! Oh my _god_, so HOT!" In his moment of distress, one of his failing arms knocked into the second bowl of chowder, and with a thud the bowl tilted sideways, careening off the table. On instinct the Sand-nin thrust his arms forward, attempting to catch the falling bowl.

Only due to his current predicament, his control was not very, erm, _in_ control. The bowl knocked into his wildly swinging arms, bouncing upwards into the air, chowder trailing behind it like a ribbon of mush. Kankuro's mouth hung open, his pain momentarily distracted by the miraculous, flying chowder.

Quickly, however, the miraculous, flying chowder stopped flying. That's right, it landed. It landed on Hinata's head. Deathly allergic Hinata's head. Unceremoniously, the kunoichi fell forward, the bowl on top of her head cracking against the glass table.

"What are you, an idiot!" Satoshi shouted. "Do you _purposely _keep on trying to kill her?" The old man rushed forward, pulling out from his pockets a thin, padded medicine bag. From it, he produced a small shot-like contraption. Kankuro winced slightly as he thrust the needle into the girls skin Shots always reminded him of the poison he used for his puppet.

"She should come to in a little bit," Satoshi explained, stuffing the bag back into his pocket. Kankuro grimaced. Somehow, he doubted he'd be getting a kiss from Hinata after the disastrous date. And if he couldn't show off his skills to the kunoichi, he'd be one step closer to losing Ino's bet by default! He needed to act fast...

"Don't worry, old man! I know CPR!" Kankuro rushed forward, wiping the slimy bits away from Hinata's mouth before plunging his tongue in. The old man looked ready to kill him.

"What the hell are you doing! I said she'd wake up in a few seconds! This is not necessary, boy!"

As if on cue, the girl's eyes snapped open, a muffled squeak erupting from her mouth as realized what Kankuro was doing. In an instant, she flung herself backwards from him, face bright red and looking ready to cry.

"So... Was I good or what?"

"Boy, you better get your ass out of here before the whole Hyuuga clan comes to rip your body apart, limb by limb!"

Kankuro paled slightly before peering around at the rest of the diners. There were a _lot_ of witnesses to his recent kissing escapade and something told him that a gang of angry Hyuugas would not be a very nice situation. "See ya!" he shouted nervously, running away from the restaurant, leaving the occupants in stunned silence.

"That is what we call success, Chouji dearest," Ino stated proudly as she finally stood up from her hiding place. "Thank you very much for your help!"

"So I can leave now?"

"Yep," Ino agreed with a smile. "Have fun on your _date_."

"Sure, Ino. Whatever. See you later." Chouji sighed in relief as he began to trudge away.

"Hold on, Chouji," Ino began with an air of authority. "You're going to change out that outfit before seeing Ayame, right?"

Chouji peered downward and grimaced, realizing the extra-tight uniform was still straining against his body. Ino snickered slightly, an amused grin on her face. "You look _ridiculous_."

How was it that even when _Ino_ was the one who made the bet, _he_ was the one who suffered?


	6. Fourth Inning

Well, look at that! It's only been, what? Half a year? Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm _kinda_ terrible at remembering stuff.

Well, I hope you all had a Happy New Year! Enjoy!

* * *

To say that Ino was in a good mood would be an understatement. A bright smile was plastered across her face and as she walked down the street, the sun seemed to shine a spotlight on her alone. In only a day, the news of the rude sand-nin publicly humiliating, harassing, and molesting the Hyuuga heir had flashed through the village like lightning. It seemed as if all the Hyuuga clan members were keeping their pale eyes open, searching feverishly for Kankuro. To attempt to finish the bet would foolish, almost suicidal, in fact. The smartest thing to do would be to go back to Suna, admit Ino was right, and most importantly give her the money so she could _finally_ buy the necklace she'd been aching for.

In fact, Ino planned to take care of the last task that very day. She strut though the entire village, almost glowing with happiness, weaving through the buildings while searching for the jewelry shop. Sure, she didn't exactly have all the money yet, but that didn't mean she couldn't at least check on the beauty before buying it, right? After all, if she pleaded enough, maybe Ino could persuade the saleslady to let her take home the necklace and pay her back later that very day!

The bell above the doorway rang playfully as Ino enthusiastically opened the door. The saleslady stopped polishing the glass case and turned to the young girl. An exuberant smile crossed her face and her eyes glinted with greed. The blond girl was back! Time to make the sale of the century!

"Miss!" the saleslady gushed. "You've come to grace my store with your presence, yet again!" Ino giggled and the woman grinned. It was a good sign. "My, your shirt looks lovely today... But I must admit that there is something missing to complete your ensemble."

Ino played along, although she knew exactly where the woman was going. "Oh?"

"Oh, yes!" the saleslady cooed. "Wouldn't you look even more gorgeous with _this_ wrapped around your neck?" With a grand flourish of the hand, the woman glided up to the glass case, stopping before the prize piece of her display. Ino inwardly squealed. The diamonds in it seemed to sparkle even brighter now that she was so close to getting it!

Ino continued drooling in front of the necklace as the woman took it from the case. "Do you have the money?"

"Oh, the money..." Ino said. Time to work that Yamanaka charm! "Of course I _have_ it! I just don't have a measly two-hundred and seventy-five yen, that's it. But I promise I'll have it soon. Today, even! So how's about an IOU for one of your most loyal costumers ever on the face of the earth?"

A finger inched up onto the saleswoman's chin in contemplation. She couldn't give out the necklace without the cash paid in full, no. That would be completely against store policy. Still, she doubted the blonde girl would be that put off by her decision. After all, she had her positively hooked. The Yamanaka girl was committed to the necklace, no matter how long it may take before she could buy it.

_Really_ committed, actually. _Extremely_ committed. The saleswoman could tell by the gleam in the young girl's eyes that she would do most likely anything to get her prize. The saleswoman grinned wider as she snuck another look at the blonde's pleading face. Oh yes, she could make this sale even sweeter.

"Miss, you know I would love to do that for you. After all, as a woman myself, I understand your longing for this majestic beauty! The problem is, however, my boss is an absolute pain-in-the-neck and would fire me for sure. She's completely ridiculous. In fact, I'm sorry to say she did something way out of line just this morning!"

"What did she do?"

"Why, she upped the price of this necklace!" the saleswoman cried with mock-horror.

Ino gasped in shock. "That bitch! Where is she? I'm gonna yell and scream and tear her hair out until she's sorry she ever messed with Yamanaka Ino!" The girl pounded her fist into her hand in a threatening manner, rage radiating from her body. The saleswoman's eyes bugged out. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"No, no! That would do no good. She's as stubborn as a mule!" Like you, the woman almost added. "She'd probably yell right back or up the price even more. That fiend!"

"That fiend!" Ino agreed.

"There_ is_ good news, at least," the woman began, her sly smile returning to her face. "The price change isn't too drastic. It's only about..." The saleswoman wracked her brain for a price. How much more money could she cheat the young girl out of? She couldn't ask for something too drastic, of course. Perhaps 500? 600? Yes, 600 would be enough. The perfect amount to pocket, the woman decided. "600 yen. That shouldn't be too hard for someone with your great status to scrape up, right?"

Ino nodded her head after a fraction of a second. After all, if this was what it took to get the necklace of her dreams, then Ino would do anything in her power to scrape up the cash. "I'll be back here with the money as soon as I can," Ino agreed while scurrying to the door. "One thing you should know about Yamanaka Ino is that she never quits!"

The saleslady smirked as the front door swung shut. If only the rest of her customers were even half as 'determined' as the Yamanaka girl.

* * *

Ino grimaced as she surveyed the hallway of the hotel. The carpet was thread bare, the paintjob was peeling, and the walls were so thin she could hear some honeymoon couple arguing up on the fifth floor, despite the fact that she was only on the second. She'd always assumed the sand siblings were important enough suna ninjas to stay at a more lavish hotel, but obviously she was mistaken. Why, even _her_ family, with their modest flower shop and father's expensive drinking habits, could afford much more comfortable accommodations! 

It only took her two minutes to find correct room. Second floor and thirteenth door (the one with the mysterious dark red stain on it), just like the mousy girl at the front desk had told her. Behind it, she could hear intense scuffles and what seemed to be intimate murmurs. Ino's eyes widened. What in the world could Kankuro be doing in there if the only girl present was his _sister_? She almost gagged at the insinuation.

Then, a thought came to her mind. A _terrible_ thought! A terrible, atrocious, disgusting, and altogether _despicable _thought that would absolutely thwart her plans and hopes! What if the sand-nin had gone ahead and moved on to the next girl on his list? What if she actually _fell_ for his charms? What if Sakura was in there at that very moment, doing questionable things with Kankuro, despite how disgusting the thought alone is?

Ino cringed and knocked hard against the door, her fists nearly denting the wood. She heard a muffled curse and a female voice ordered with annoyance, "Go get the damn door!"

Temari? Ino's disgusted face relaxed. As long as it wasn't Sakura, she'd be happy. What Kankuro did with his sister was his own business. Assumming it was him, of course. But who else could she be with? Ino pressed her ear to the door, trying to make out more voices. All she heard were a couple of deep mutters; whoever he was, he wasn't willing to comply to Temari's orders. In response, Ino heard the sound of fist meeting stomach. There was a groan and the man's footsteps slowly padded towards the door. Ino jumped backwards just as the knob began turning, straightening her shirt and running her fingers through her bang.

"What do y-"

"Shikamaru?" Ino gaped.

"Um... I'm not here," her teammate replied lamely.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, I _am_ here," Shikamaru corrected. "But I wasn't doing what you thought I was doing."

"What did you think I thought you were doing?" Ino teased.

"What do you think I thought you thought I was doing?" Shikamaru responded. He smirked, knowing Ino wouldn't have the brain capacity to pick apart the meaning of his question.

Sure enough, Ino only stared at him with a blank face. "Hey, Temari! What were you and Shikamaru doing before he answered the door?"

Temari grinned. "What were we doing? Oh, we were just-"

"Sparring," Shikamaru finished.

"On the couch?" Ino inquired.

Temari shouted "Yes" while at the same time Shikamaru muttered "No." Ino giggled to herself.

"Oh, they were sparring, alright!" a fourth voice suddenly interjected. Kankuro appeared in the room, snickering as he flopped onto the couch. "With their _tongues_, that is!"

"Shut up, Kankuro," all three demanded. The shinobi rolled his eyes. He was used to this response by now.

"Why are you even here, Yamanaka?" he asked offhandedly. "It's been, what? Two days?"

"Two days since what?" Shikamaru questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Go back to making out with your girlfriend, Shikamaru," Ino ordered. "This doesn't concern you."

"She's not my girlfr-" Temari whacked him the shoulder before he could finish his sentence. "Would you _please_ stop hitting me, woman!"

"Shikamaru, let's go in my room and _spar_ some more," she instructed while walking off.

"You're not gonna make me watch girly television again, right?" he muttered while following her.

Ino could see Temari's face color bright red in the dimly lit hallway. "So what if we are!" she hissed while pulling the door to her room shut.

The two remaining teenagers glared at each other in silence.

In deathly-quiet hateful silence, to be exact.

"Leave," Kankuro ordered, his dark eyes squinting through his freshly applied, purple face-paint.

"Why should I?" Ino challenged. "You didn't leave me alone when I was trying to work, did you? I believe it's perfectly acceptable form of payback for me to annoy you back."

"You never _asked_ me to leave," he pointed out with a smug grin. "I'm beginning to think you're giving into your deep, rabid attraction to me. Don't try to deny it, Yamanaka. My ruggedly handsome good looks have that a affect on all girls."

Ino let out a snort. "That's not what's been going around the village." The blonde placed a defiant hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. "What's this I've heard about your date with poor, little Hinata? Didn't you, like, _kill_ her or something?"

"No, I didn't kill her!" Kankuro whined. "She just kinda... passed out a little. But, c'mon! Who wouldn't if they found an Adonis like me attached to their lips?"

"Kankuro, she was so distressed that they had to schedule a meeting with a therapist after you left. Getting the crap scared out of you doesn't sound like an amazing kissing experience." Ino took a deep breath. Here was her opening. "You know what that means, right?"

Kankuro looked downwards with a scowl. "Yeah, I know," he growled. He really wasn't looking forward to the annoying blonde's gloating.

"It means you're gonna have to work even harder to prove your skills."

"Yeah, it me- Wait, what?" Kankuro's eyes widened in surprise. To be honest, he was expecting her to try to convince him to forfeit the deal, not _encourage_ him. After all, the fact that the entire Hyuuga clan was dangerously angered by him was a very big obstacle. He had to admit that there was no way he could leave his hotel room and stay alive, no matter how humongous his self-confidence might be. In fact, that very day he had been planning on returning (AKA, sneaking) to Suna for 'personal business' in order to bypass both the bet and his payment to Ino. The suna-nin groaned inwardly. The blonde's peculiar actions were sending his plans completely off-kilter! "I mean, yeah! That's exactly what I'm gonna do! And I'm gonna win, too! 'Cuz, you know. I'm cool like that."

Ino smiled. Phase 1 of operation: 'Get More Effing Money from Kankuro' was going perfectly.

Her grin faltered for a moment. She really needed to think of a shorter name.

"Good, good," Ino muttered. "You know, I _could_ give you a little bit of help, if you want. What do you think?"

Kankuro stared at her incredulously. What did the girl think she was doing? "What's the catch?" he demanded. "You're not supposed to help the person your betting against, bimbo. Even I'm not that stupid!"

Ino laughed in what she hoped was a laid-back way, although she was secretly steaming about the bimbo comment. "I guess you caught me. I've got to confess something. And before your sorry excuse for a brain gets carried away, no. It's not my undying love for you." Kankuro rolled his eyes. As if he'd _want_ her undying love. "Watching you make a fool out of yourself in front of girl after girl is the most entertaining thing I've seen since, well, ever!" Ino giggled to herself. "That's why I've taken it upon myself to locate the address of your second challenge, Tenten. There's only one condition, of course."

Still, the sand ninja peered at Ino with suspicion. "And what might that 'condition' be? Just to let ya' know, if it involves lack of clothing, the face paint stays, no matter what!"

"Ew," Ino said. "No way. That's just disgusting. All I want is a raise in price."

"Meaning..?"

"_Meaning_ I want to raise it by 600. The new price is set at 900 yen, got it?"

"Why do you need to raise it?" Kankuro asked.

Ino flipped her pony-tail over her shoulder. "That's nobody's business but mine. Now, say yes and get back to embarrassing yourself, 'kay?"

The corner's of Kankuro's painted lips turned downwards. The new stakes wouldn't be such a big deal, right? It wasn't outrageously high, hard to accomplish, or even insanely embarrassing. Besides, it would bring him one step closer to his next date; he didn't want to come in contact with Ino's best friend unless it was absolutely necessary. For all he knew, she could be even worse.

"Fine," he finally agreed. "900, it is. Now, hand over the address, already!"

Ino's heart leapt. All according to plan. Excitedly, she dug through her pocket, pulling out a daintily folded piece of stationary. She threw it on the suna-nin's lap, not wanting to come in contact with his hands. Who knows where those things had been?

"Pleasure doing business with you," she said while sticking her nose in the air.

"Whatever," Kankuro muttered while wrinkling his nose at the printed, pink roses that adorned the paper. "Just get out of here, already!"

Ino complied happily, slamming the door unnecessarily loud behind her. Operation: 'Get More Effing Money from Kankuro' was complete! Ino's sunny demeanor returned as she continued through the village.

Time to set Operation: 'Ruin Kankuro's Pitiful Reputation During his Date with Tenten for _Good_ This Time' into action!

Ino frowned once again. Yeah. She definitely needed to work on her naming skills.


	7. Fifth Inning

Okay. This is a warning. I have _no idea_ whatsoever how to write Tenten, Neji, or Lee and I'm sorry to say that you might hate this chapter and try to kill me or something. Excuse me while I hide.

And that, my friends, is one of the reasons this took forever to write. That, and college applications make me want to quit life and become a homeless person.

* * *

Kankuro glanced at the house in front of him, warily. The plain-white paint was flecked and uneven, the grass over-grown with weeds, and the front picture window in dire need of a good wipe-down. To be completely honest, it looked as if the house had been vacant for the past five or six months. Briefly, he tried to imagine anyone living in such an unloved and impersonal place and instantly gave up. Grumbling as he stalked up the stone path, Kankuro knocked his fist against the wooden door and crossed his arms as he waited. If Ino had sent him to an empty house for shits and giggles, he swore he would throttle her.

"Hey! Anyone here?" he shouted as he pounded harder against the door. No one appeared. He quirked his ear towards the door, tuning in for the sound of footsteps. Nothing. Nearly growling, he banged again, becoming even more furious as still no one appeared. In a final fit of anger, he grasped the doorknob and began to pull and jiggle it while pounding his other hand against the wood. "Hey! Answer me, already! Is someone here or not!"

His only response, however, was the doorknob ripping away from the door and falling to ground with a pitiful 'clink!' "Shit," Kankuro muttered, scrambling for the metallic knob. However, he halted in mid-fumble. He eyed the doorknob, then the newly produced hole in the door, then the doorknob again, and finally the hole. In a sudden rush, he threw his rather thick body against the door and pressed his eye to the opening, his pupils desperately raking the room for any signs of life.

He was disappointed to find, however, that the house's inside was just as mysteriously blank as its outside. Cursing, he pulled his body away from the door. He would take one more look, he decided, and if he still saw no sign of life, he would give up on the forsaken house. With a deep, calming breath, he once again pressed his eye to the hole.

Only to be greeted by _another_ dark brown eye peering straight back at him.

"Eeek!" he shrieked, not at all unlike a little girl (not that he'd ever admit that, of course). As he recoiled, the giant eye mimicked his actions and let out a yelp. Kankuro tried to stop his heart from beating against the inside of his ribcage like a drum, nearly jumping out of his skin as the front door swung open. A teenage girl with two large buns on her head stood in the threshold, her face stained red with anger.

"You just broke my door!" she exclaimed while pointing an accusatory finger. "I cannot _believe_ you just broke my door!"

"Believe it?" Kankuro suggested weakly with a nervous smile. Damn, the little brunette chick was almost as scary as Temari. Carefully, he began inching his body backwards in an attempt to flee.

"I can't believe you just broke my door," Tenten continued to mutter in a considerably calmer voice. "Can't believe... I just need to- Yeah, fix it or something. I dunno. I need stuff to..." As she muttered, she ran her fingers carefully over the wood and studied the damage closely.

"Oh, c'mon!" Kankuro snapped in annoyance. "It was just a stupid door!"

"You. Get inside. Now."

Without another word, Kankuro complied. If Tenten really _was_ anything like his sister, that tone meant that he was just three seconds away from being pummeled into the cement. Following Tenten as she stalked from room to room, Kankuro peered curiously around him. The place was completely void of furniture; not even, he realized with horror, a television set. She must have been crazy. How in the world could she survive?

"Did you just move in here or something?" Kankuro asked while trailing a dirty finger along the blank, white walls.

"No," Tenten answered, surveying the room with a look of confusion. "Why would you say that?" Kankuro didn't have a chance to respond, however, as a moment later Tenten opened yet another door and ushered him inside.

A look of surprise spread over Kankuro's usually scowling face. For one thing there was _furniture_ in the room. Sure, it was only four chairs set around a tiny table, but is was furniture, nonetheless. And even more surprising, sitting amid those bland furnishings were two young shinobi, one with dark hair falling to his middle-back and the other with big bulging eyes and a bright, green jumpsuit. The latter greeted Kankuro with an exaggerated wave of the hand and Kankuro sheepishly grinned back. Alliance or not, it had only been a few years ago that his brother almost murdered the overly-animated teen.

"Neji, how much does it cost to fix a door?" Tenten asked while flopping down into a chair next to the boys.

"I'm not a calculator," Neji replied, not even glancing at her.

"Oh, c'mon. Answer the question, Neji," Tenten demanded.

Neji sat in silence for a moment, as if actually considering her question, until finally arching his shoulders in a stiff shrug. "No idea."

"Neji-"

"Ooooh! Tenten!" Lee shouted while thrusting his arm up in the air as if he was back in the academy. "Tenten! I know! Ask me!"

Tenten surveyed Lee for a moment before nodding. "Right, then. Lee, how much would it cost to fix a door that was savagely torn from its hinges, ripped to shreds, and then brutally scattered throughout my lawn?"

"All I did was accidentally pull off the doorknob!" Kankuro complained.

"Answer the question, Lee," Tenten said, completely ignoring Kankuro's outburst.

"Answer?" Lee muttered with his eyes even wider than usual. To be honest he really didn't know the answer to Tenten's query; he had been just trying to be helpful! But now that he had to actually answer... After a moment of deep concentration, Lee snapped his fingers together upon reaching a decision. "It would cost 300,000,000,000 yen!"

"That's ridiculous!" Kankuro yelped. "I'm not paying that much for a freaking doorknob!"

"Aha!" Lee exclaimed. "But it was not only a doorknob! You must factor in the doorknob, the damage done to the door itself, the labor needed to both buy the doorknob and reattach said doorknob to its rightful place, and the emotional strain upon finding one's door dishonored!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Kankuro muttered. "How about we, uh, make a bet?"

"I don't bet," Tenten replied. "Leads to some messy business."

"You have _no idea_," Kankuro couldn't help but agree with a bitter smile. "Then, maybe just an agreement or something? Compromise?"

"Depends on what the agreement is," Tenten said, failing to mask her interest. Kankuro was pleased to note that the anger in her voice had almost completely dissipated, although it was still laced with suspicion. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well," Kankuro began with another one of his heartbreaking smiles. It was time to turn his charm into overdrive. "I could always, ya' know, take you out. On a date."

Silence filled the room as even Neji stared at Kankuro in disbelief. "A date?" Tenten repeated. A slow smile spread over her lips and at once she fell into a fit of laughter. "W-wait? Seriously, a date?" Upon Kankuro's nod, Tenten's laughter increased by tenfold.

"You bet your ass, a date!" Kankuro growled.

"You're the sand-nin that tried to date Hinata, aren't you?" Tenten asked in-between giggles. Kankuro nodded and at once Neji's eyes focused into a deathly stare that only a Hyuuga could be capable of.

"What are you look-" Kankuro's growl halted as he caught sight of his eyes. His pearly-white, Hyuuga eyes. "Shit. Uh... Please don't kill me?"

"Lucky for you only the main house is particularly concerned with that issue," Neji icily replied. Lee coughed out something that suspiciously sounded like 'liar' into the palm of his hand.

"Oh, thank God," Kankuro sighed. "You know, I think I might like you, Hyuuga! You're a pretty okay guy."

"Just because I'm not going to kill you doesn't mean I _like_ you," Neji clarified and at once Kankuro backed off.

"It's still so insane!" Tenten shouted while laughing again. "The entire clan- Well besides Neji, of course. You know I kind of feel like taking you up on that offer of your's- just to see how terrible at dating you must be!"

"It's not funny," he whined, looking just as pathetic as the words he uttered.

"Right, right. Not funny," Tenten said while taking a deep breath. A few stray giggles escaped before she finally calmed herself. "Though, I'm still not exactly sure how that would be payback for my broken door. To be completely honest, I'd much rather have 300,000,000,000 yen."

"Like I said before, I'll make it a compromise. Give me chance to woo you with my irresistible skills-" Here, Tenten snorted. "-and after you've fallen head over heels for me, we can discuss how much more payment is needed. I have to warn you, of course. You might find me to be so dashing and debonair that _you'll_ end up being the one paying _me_."

Tenten couldn't help but grin. The guy was obnoxious, self-absorbed, and his clothing had a terrible likeness to a kitty-cat, but she couldn't deny that he was amusing. Well, more amusing than Neji had been lately, at least. "Fine," she agreed while sticking her hand out to shake on it. "But you better not disappoint me."

"I guarantee it," Kankuro assured he with confidence. He extended his hand to Tenten, although not intending to shake. Instead, his palm encompassed her own and pulled her towards him. Lifting his other arm to drape it over Tenten's shoulders, he slowly steered her towards the door.

"Neji!" Tenten shouted over her shoulder and unfortunately right in Kankuro's ear. "Neji, I'm going on a date with Kankuro!"

"I don't care," Neji responded.

"Ooooh! Tenten!" Lee yelled with his arm once again thrust in the air. "Tenten! I care!"

"Bye, Lee!" Tenten exclaimed while exiting the room with a wave.

"Neji, you're jealous, aren't you?" Lee asked with a smile, gazing at the closed door like a proud parent. An irritated look passed over Neji's face.

"No, Lee. I'm definitely not."

"_I _am," said Lee.

"No, Lee. No you're not."

"Okay, maybe not," Lee glumly admitted. Then, he snapped his fingers together with excitement. "You know what would be fun? We should go spy on their date! Yeah! Neji, can we do that? Can we? Please?"

"No, Lee," Neji muttered while shaking his head in disgust. "That's what _stalkers_ do."


	8. Sixth Inning

Five million years later and I'm writing again! To be honest, I haven't really been reading Naruto anymore, yet I really am determined to someday finish this. That being said, I apologize if there's any glaring inconsistancies with the source. Think of it as some sort of AU, I suppose?

Also, this chapter is kind of short yet the next one which I just wrote (I refuse to put up a chapter unless I'm at least one chapter ahead) is massive. It was also written while I was recovering from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. The may next chapter may or may not be absolutely terrible, I'll decide when I'm off of these painpills.

* * *

Ino knocked the door of the Nara residence with fervor, a nastily devious expression on her face. She'd been wracking her brain for a good twenty minutes, desperate to think of a surefire way to wreck a date while at the same time cursing herself for not being an evil mastermind. However, after pretty much just picking at her fingernails the entire time, she came to a sudden realization: _she_ wasn't the one who had to be an evil mastermind. No, of course not. She just needed to _know_ someone who was an evil mastermind. After all, what use was having Shikamaru as a friend if she wasn't allowed to put that freakishly large brain of his to work?

"Open up, Genius!" Ino called, impatient. She banged her fist against the door at an unceasing and constant interval, not daring to break the rhythm until the door was opened. After two minutes of the pounding, the door inched open, Shikamaru peering out from the crack. Ino waved cheerily and he immediately slammed the door shut.

"I'm not home," Shikamaru answered through the closed door.

"If that didn't work last time, what makes you think it'd work _this_ time!" Ino yelled, pounding harder on the door.

"I can only hope."

"Shikamaru! Stop being an ass and open the door before I completely freak out and break it!"

"Whatever, Ino. You're not going to break my door," Shikamaru said with a sigh.

"Yes, I am! Just you wait, Shikamaru. I'm going to bust it down, tear it to shreds, pull it from its hinges and then beat you over the head with it. And you know what's the _worst_ thing I'm going to do?"

"What?" he asked, although sounding thoroughly bored.

"I'm going to tell you're mother it was all your fault."

A loud bang sounded against the door, as if somebody had just jammed their funny-bone against it. Ino heard Shikamaru curse. "You _wouldn't_."

"You wanna test me, Nara?"

Without another word, Shikamaru opened the door, abruptly about-faced, and shuffled over to the couch in his living room. Ino followed cheerfully behind him.

"What do you want?" Shikamaru grumbled, not cutting any corners. Ino frowned at him and crossed her arms.

"And you automatically assume I _want_ something," Ino sighed, shaking her head at him. "Some friend you are."

"Don't you?"

"Well, yeah. But that's not the point," she muttered. She flipped her ponytail over

her shoulder and primly sat onto the couch. Squaring her shoulders and dropping her hands neatly into her lap, she tried to look as much like a severe academy teacher as possible. Shikamaru (or anyone else, for that matter) had a manner of ignoring her demands unless she made it absolutely certain that she would beat his brains out if he didn't listen.

"Stop making that face," Shikamaru demanded.

"I'm not making a face," Ino argued, even though she was.

The two ninjas stared at each other for a few minutes, Ino with her "constipated librarian" look and Shikamaru with his "when are you going to leave" look. Finally, Ino looked away and patted the seat beside her. Shikamaru remained standing.

"Are you going to talk or what?" he asked.

"Well, duh. What else would I do? Sign language my point across to you?"

"I was hoping for interpretive dance, actually," Shikamaru joked. Ino tried to hide the small smile on her face. Even if he was a lazy lump most of the time, Chouji and him really had been two of her best friends practically since birth. He'd help her; she _knew _he'd help her. Otherwise she'd guilt-trip him about it until he was begging for forgiveness.

"Shikamaru, I need you to help ruin that Kankuro kid's date with Tenten," she told him with pleading eyes. He stared at her with a blank expression.

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"Sh-Shikamaru! You can't say that! We're best friends, remember? Best friends aren't allowed to tell each other no. You're not _allowed_," she informed him, her face growing red and blotchy. He didn't know the rules. That stupid genius didn't know the rules. She was about five seconds away from tearing his hair out.

"I thought Sakura was your best friend."

"Well… You're at least a close second," Ino admitted. "Maybe third. That's good enough, okay? We've known each other since we were in diapers, Shikamaru. _Diapers. _Does that mean nothing to you!"

"All it means to me is that our parents must have been as crazy as you are." Shikamaru sighed and rubbed his forehead. His had a headache already, but really it was no surprise. His head usually started to ache whenever Ino was around, so much so that he usually carried around a bottle of aspirin with him whenever he knew he'd be in direct contact with her for extended periods of time.

"I'm not crazy."

"Well, you're definitely not sane, that's for sure."

"Shikamaru," Ino huffed and then crossed her arms. "What have I ever done that has made me seem crazy?"

"Ino, you want me to help ruin a date. A date. A date with two people who, frankly, you should have no connections with, whatsoever." He matched her stubborn expression, crossing his own arms. "When did you and Kankuro become friends, anyway?"

"F-friends?" Ino paled at the word. Oh God, her and Kankuro? _Friends_? "What makes you think we're friends? Don't make me throw up, Shikamaru. If I do, you're gonna have to clean it up, you know."

"Well, you were just over his house, weren't you? And now you're acting all protective and stuff, wanting to ruin his date. It makes sense that you guys must have some sort of relationship going on." Shikamaru rolled the thoughts once more around in his head for a moment before abruptly stiffening. He stared at Ino with wide eyes and she rose an eyebrow at him. "You're not dating him, are you?"

"D-" That was as far as she could get as seconds later she slapped a hand over her mouth and bolted towards Shikamaru's bathroom. He winced as her heard a retching sound from the room and then smacked a hand over his eyes in frustration. Ino strode back out and sat primly at the edge of the couch as if nothing had happened at all. "No, Shikamaru. We're not dating."

"You just puked in my bathroom," Shikamaru stated, looking horrified.

"It was your fault."

"You just _puked_ in my _bathroom_, Ino."

"Oh, calm down," Ino insisted with a roll of her eyes. "I didn't actually puke, okay? It was more like dry-heaving. I was over-exaggerating to get my point across, duh. You suck at being a genius, Shikamaru."

"Don't ever do that again," he told her. "I don't care if you were just acting, that was disgusting."

"What you said was disgusting, too," Ino told him. She thrust her nose up in the air, trying to look as offended as possible.

"It's a logical question. Why else would you want me to mess up something as stupid as a date?" Shikamaru stared at her expecting an answer. She stared back before finally sighing.

"Because I want to buy a necklace."

"So… If Kankuro's date sucks… Then you get a necklace?"

"Yes! That's exactly it!" Ino bounced up and down, glad he was getting the gist of it.

"How does that even make sense?"

"Shikamaru, stop asking questions," she demanded. "Just trust me, okay? I'll tell you what, you do this and I swear I won't ever tell you're mom that you're dating Temari."

"You were planning on telling her?" A look of legitimate fear passed over Shikamaru's face. If she told his mom that, his life would be ruined. Absolutely destroyed to the point of no revival. He would die three times, once at the hands of his mom, another by Temari's, and then commit suicide to top it all off.

"Well, shouldn't she know? She's you're family, isn't she?" Ino said to him, not realizing how dire the situation was.

"No, she does not have to know. Under no circumstances can you ever tell her, you got that Ino? I don't care if she tortures you. I don't care if she threatens to blow up all of Konoha. Don't _ever_ tell her."

"Well," Ino began with an innocent smile. "You help me out and I won't."

Shikamaru stared at her. Manipulative. That was the only way he could describe her. Oh, God. His head was _pounding_.

"Fine," he agreed. "I'll help."

"Yes! Now first of all, we've got to search the city. Find out where they're hiding, you know? Then, we need to- Shikamaru. Shikamaru? Where are you going?" Ino stared after him as she opened the front door. Instead of following her, he was heading to the bathroom with his face in his hands. Ino had the fleeting terror that he would end up throwing up, just like she'd pretended to. Thankfully, she heard him only shuffling through the cabinets moments later. "What are you doing?"

He returned with a large bottle of aspirin in his hand, already swallowing two of the pills dry.

"I'm going to need this."


End file.
